


Six Worlds

by YumeArashi



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Asexual Romance, Asexuality, Multiverse, Other, Self-Esteem Issues, Threesome, closeted asexuality, consensual but unwanted sex, well-meaning intolerance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 01:25:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five ways in which asexuality might have impacted Bruce Banner's life, and one in which it didn't</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Worlds

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Asexuality Awareness Week 2013

Sometimes, Bruce feels guilty that he doesn’t want his lovers sexually.  Tony is brilliant and handsome and breathtaking in his perpetual whirlwind of animated genius, and Steve…well, Steve is _literally_ the embodiment of human perfection.  He looks at them and he sees their beauty, he could watch them for hours on end, but looking is all he ever wants.  He has no desire to touch, his blood never stirs with hunger to share their bodies.  Truth be told, he finds most sexual acts unappealing, and it makes him feel as if he never outgrew the childish mindset of thinking of sex as 'icky'.  Tony reassures him that asexuality is as valid an orientation as any other, and Steve says that he loves Bruce just the way he is.  Bruce smiles and thanks them and appreciates their efforts.  But it's hard getting past a lifetime of thinking that there must be something wrong with him.

 

* * *

 

It comes in handy, while Bruce is running and hiding.  Never any inconvenient or embarrassing urges, never any hormonal temptation to get dangerously close to attractive members of the opposite sex (or the same sex, for that matter), never worrying about having his hand in his pants when he has to drop everything and run.

It's poor consolation, but better than none at all.

 

* * *

 

Bruce always shoves down his doubts and lets his lovers touch him, touches them in turn, agrees to everything they want as enthusiastically as he can.  His body reacts – stimulus, response, and he supposes it's good to know he isn't malfunctioning – but he can't really say he gets any real enjoyment from it, nor has any desire to do it again.  To him, it's merely lying there going through the motions, awkward and sweaty and uncomfortable as he does his best to mimic what a good lover would do.  Afterwards he lies about how good it was, even suggests more things they can try next time.  After all, he thinks, sex is part of a normal, healthy relationship.  He may not enjoy it, but that's less important to him than making his lovers happy.  It's a compromise he's willing to make, he tell himself, and swallows the lump in his throat, blinks back tears.

 

* * *

 

"It's not the same thing," Bruce tells Tony, exasperated.  He's beginning to regret raising the topic of asexuality with Tony, but at least he knows now how Tony would react to Bruce's orientation – not well.

"Okay, I know you're not talking about budding or mitosis here, I get that you're talking about asexuality as a sexual orientation and I'll even grant that it's possible to not experience sexual attraction.  But if that's your deal, then you have a medical problem with your reproductive system.  It's not a sexual orientation, and it's not possible to both be asexual and experience sexual stimulation."

Bruce runs a hand through his hair and counts his breaths.  "Tony, _because_ asexuality is an orientation, it is certainly possible to be asexual and have sexual experiences.  People have sexual experiences outside of their orientation all the time, as any closeted gay person or bi-curious heterosexual can tell you."

"Okay, for one thing that assumes you buy asexuality as a sexual preference, which I don't, but we'll leave that for now.  Why would you have sex if you didn't want it?  That makes no sense."

"Like non-asexuals never do that?" Bruce asks dryly.  "A person who's asexual might masturbate, since as I said before, it _is_ possible to have a normal and healthy reproductive system and still be asexual, or they might be doing it to please a romantic partner."

"But if someone's asexual, what the hell are they doing dating?" Tony counters.  "Why not just stay single?  For someone like that to date a normal person, a person with a healthy sex drive and ordinary needs in bed - that would be incredibly unfair, not to mention kind of dishonest."

Bruce stares at him for a moment before mumbling that he'd forgotten something in the lab and hastily leaving, ignoring Tony's protests.  This was a conversation he just couldn't continue.

 

* * *

 

Bruce wonders sometimes where things would have gone with Betty if not for the accident.  He did love her, very much, and he wanted to marry her and start a family and have that little house with the white picket fence and all of the things he never had as a child. 

She knew that – everyone who knew the two of them knew it, really – but she hadn't known about his complete lack of sexual interest in her.  She had thought he was simply enough of a gentleman to wait until after marriage, and he, cowardly, hadn't disabused her of the idea. 

He'll never know if he would have gathered the courage to tell her, or how she would have reacted.  Would she have been insulted?  Disgusted?  Indifferent?  Would he simply have gritted his teeth and accepted the duties of the marital bed without ever telling her?  What if she had actually accepted this about him, as she had accepted so much else.  Would he have managed to father his child naturally, or would they have had to turn to other methods?

Sometimes Bruce wonders about these things, and sometimes he wonders if it's for the best that he never found out.

 

* * *

 

Bruce Banner is happy now, or as happy as he'll ever be.  He has a home in the Avengers Towers – truly a home and not just a place to stay, with all the safety and stability the word implies.  He spends most of his days doing what he loves best, using science to make the world a better place.  Other days he's making the world a better place in other ways, and while he still can barely believe the Other Guy is doing some good now, every day is one more day with no more innocent blood on his hands, and that's a profound relief.  In the evenings he reads or does a little light exercise to keep from piling on weight from his newly stationary life (it doesn’t help that Steve, worried about his and Tony's nutritional habits, loves to feed them hearty home-cooked meals).  And then, late enough that Tony and Steve have had a chance to enjoy one another's bodies and clean up afterward, he goes upstairs to join them, warm and welcome and loved.

It's more than he'd dared to hope for in a very, very long time.


End file.
